#11 WHAT I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH THIS CANCER JOURNEY

Welcome back!  I have learned so much through this journey besides cancer diagnosis and treatment details.  That is what we will focus on today.

This has been an emotional rollercoaster.  I realized I had a choice I had to make.  I could travel down the road of fear and depression.  The enemy often tried to encourage me to take that detour but I knew it would send me to the pit of despair.  The other choice I had was to travel the road God’s way.  He would help me walk through His purpose for the trial, like I discussed last time.  Well, I chose to travel God’s road not the road of fear and despair.

Especially after the initial diagnosis, I focused on healing scriptures to build my faith.  I spoke them out loud.  I claimed what they said.  I prayed them.  I also watched a lot of healing testimonies on YouTube.  Smith-Wigglesworth really helped ignite my faith.  In the beginning, I felt my faith was really strong.  However, I will be honest as time went by and prayers were not miraculously answered like I had prayed, my faith weakened.  I still had God as my rock but I did not have the heartfelt passion in my prayers like I did in the beginning.  I still clung to God and stood on His promises.  Yet I came to a resolve that He was going to answer in the way He chose based on His purpose for this journey.  Even though I did not feel the passion in my prayers, I still stood firm on the word of God 

The most important lesson I learned through this whole journey was the summary of what I shared last time.  No matter what we go through in life, God has allowed it.  If God has allowed it, He has a purpose for it.  If He has a purpose for it, then I can have the confidence that He will bring me through it for my good and His glory.

Emotions were like a rollercoaster at times.  I tried to be Spiritually strong and full of faith and then in the next instant a wave of fear or depression consumed me.  The bible talks about the importance of what we think.  Philippians 4:8-9 (NLT) says “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing.  Then the God of peace will be with you.”  I had to recognize when my thoughts wondered down the devil’s turn in the road, like I will call it.  The enemy did not want me to win this battle.  When my thoughts strayed, I had to purposefully focus them back on God’s Word and then peace came.  I had to focus on positive instead of negative.  For example, when I was not thrilled about having surgery.  I had to focus on the fact that if I got the cancer out through surgery then there was a greater chance, I never would experience cancer again.

Something I read early on impacted me.  It said that others do not know how to help.  Therefore, it recommended that I humble myself and accept the fact that I needed help.  In the beginning, I found it hard to accept the reality of what I was going through.  It has always been hard for me to ask for help.  Recognizing that I had to come to the point of humbling myself and accepting that I had needs was a crucial step.  It suggested I make a list of what my needs were.  That way when someone would ask how they could help, I could refer them to my list. 

I made a list.  I had done what I was encouraged to do.  Then I waited for someone to offer.  At that time, no-one offered except my mom and daughter-in-law.  I do not have a lot of family living near me.  That was also the same time as the beginning of Covid.  Because of social distancing no-one knew if it was safe to enter our home or make food.  I’m guessing that was the main reason others did not offer then.  Regardless I am being transparent.  We went months with needs.  My husband tried the best he could to keep up.  I felt frustrated I was so limited on what I could do and felt guilty watching him overwork himself.  Over the last year a few people came out of the wood work so to speak and did offer a meal here or there and my neighbor was a great blessing keeping my flowerbeds weeded. 

If God lays it on your heart to want to help someone in need, please do not assume someone else is meeting the need.  If you do not know how to help, just ask.  I guarantee you that anyone going through cancer has some type of need.

God taught me a lesson.  As a result of people not reaching out like I had hoped they would, I began to examine myself.  Had I reached out and helped others in need in the past?  I had worked 40 hours a week and when I heard someone needed a meal, I usually thought that I would let the older ladies in my church who love to cook take care of it.  I do not enjoy cooking and I assumed my schedule was busier than theirs.  God convicted me that I was not doing my part.  As a result of that reality, I began reaching out even when I was in need or physically not doing well.  I thought of people in my church going through trials.  I began texting or calling them and asking how they were doing.  I could tell it made a difference in their life.  I realized the importance of ministering to others even when we are in need.  I physically could not cook them a meal when I was going through treatment.  Yet I could sit on the couch and send a text of encouragement.  I realized the importance of being aware when others are in need.  We need to open our eyes and ears to become more aware of needs.

Something else I learned through this trial was to recognize my limitations.  The rigorous treatment plan was tough.  I tried very hard to work 40 hours a week, keep up with my laundry and rest.  That was my life from the last week of June 2020 until the end of November.  It was important that I got rest.  It was tough for me to sit and watch TV while my husband planned, cooked and cleaned up after the meals.  It was tough watching him run the sweeper and pick up around the house.  It was tough hearing the lawn mower when I love to mow the yard.  It was also hard to see dust all over the furniture.  Dusting was the one thing that made me feel my house was clean.  That was not on my husband’s to-do-list.  I had to accept that and learn to live with my furniture not dusted.  It also was hard to not feel guilty that my husband was on overload doing everything.  I had to recognize my limitations and accept the fact that I could not do everything I wanted to. 

Guilt also tried to overtake me in other areas.  For months all I had energy for was work, medical appointments, laundry and rest.  Some days I did not even have energy for that.  My way to relax was to sit and watch a drama or movie on TV.  I found myself feeling guilty that I was not having daily devotionals.  I did not have the energy to try to figure out what to study.  I did not have the energy to lift my phone and read the bible app.  Some people may say this was just an excuse.  Maybe it was on some days.  However, it is hard to put it in words that I physically just did not have the energy to do it.  As a result, it caused me to feel great guilt.

I knew God had a purpose for this trial and that he wanted to use me to share and minister to others.  I learned I had to watch for open doors.  The Holy Spirt would lay someone on my heart and mind.  I learned to not dismiss the thought.  Instead, I contacted them at that moment.  I learned the importance of being obedient to God in the moment.  When the doctors or medical staff were amazed at how well I did physically, I had to give God credit.  I shared that I had many people praying and God answered prayer.  When other people asked how I was doing, I had to give God credit.  I realized people were watching my response to all of this.  I wanted to glorify God through my reactions. 

I learned the importance of being transparent and vocal.  By being transparent of my situation, people saw the raw me.  They were able to see the reality of my journey.  If I had not been vocal, people would not know my suffering.  Therefore, they would not know or see the victories.  I knew God wanted me to share.  However, because of Covid, it was difficult because of the social distancing.  God showed me that he wanted me to use Facebook as my platform to share.  I often posted when I had a procedure or needed prayer.  Of course, I posted when God answered prayer.  It was exciting to see sometimes over a hundred people respond.  Sometimes the people who responded I had not had contact with them for years.  This was a means of communication that had far greater reach than just verbal communication.

My greatest need through this whole journey was to have someone to talk to.  I needed someone to listen to what I was experiencing at that moment.  If someone knew exactly what I was feeling and experiencing, then I did not feel like I was walking this road alone.  So often I felt so alone!   Because of the social distancing of covid, that added to my desolation.  I was grateful for all the cards and texts I received.  I really do appreciate them.  It helped me know others were thinking of me.  Yet I do not know how to explain what I felt other than I guess I just needed human verbal communication.  My husband tried.  He is not a talker and often he just did not know how to respond.  There were a couple women who on a pretty regular basis texted me encouragement.  I was very grateful for that.  However, reflecting on my greatest need overall, it was human verbal communication.

I am hopeful that what I have learned through this journey will help me be better equipped to deal with situations in the future and with others better. 

Thank you again for joining me on this journey.  I want to leave you with a scriptural thought.  2 Corinthians 4:18 (NLT) “So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”  This verse encourages me that any difficult trial we face today won’t last forever.  We need to fix our thoughts and focus on the future and things we cannot see.

Join me next time to learn how God unexpectant and miraculously began Faith Walk with Debbie.